Walk the line
Micah and Tammy had been together a little over a year. Things were great at first; she was deeply infatuated with him and for Micah she seemed to do no wrong. It was easy and they enjoyed each other's company.
After the newness wore off things slowly began to change. She picked at his habits and he grew weary of her nagging comments. She wanted more, something that Micah could not provide, at least at this point of his life. Once it starts it is apparent where things are heading. It's just a matter of how willing you are to acknowledge it.
"Did you hear me?" she said, her voice clearly betraying her aggravation. Micah loved the way she looked when she was mad but loathed the things she said. "Sure, I heard you. You want to go to your folks house next weekend. That's fine." He had missed the point.
Micah had never been able to walk the line, to give her the undivided attention and all consuming adoration she seemed to want. Truth is he had never truly been able to do that with anything outside of those first precious moments when someone or something had grabbed his thoughts. His attention span was short and before long he would be attending to the storyline that constantly occupied his thoughts. Did it have to be such an effort?
"A bruised apple in the produce section of life" he thought...
Boy, you're going to carry that weight
Micah finished a couple of odd jobs around the house and laid down in front of the TV, his mind finally clear of anything distracting. Or so he thought. As his eyes started to get heavy his mind wondered back to when he was 16 and in high school.
Micah was a pretty typical kid at that time - he had no idea what the hell he was doing. He played basketball for the high school team and was a little full of himself at the time. The manager for the team was a little annoying kid named Denny. He was one of those kids that irritated everyone but he was pretty much left alone because he was for the most part harmless. Occasionally Denny would get picked on and it was the time that Micah did so that came to mind now.
On the way to a game Micah had sprayed some sore throat medicine in Denny's face. No reason for it other than the perverse idea that it might be funny to abuse the annoying kid. The coach immediately yelled at Micah - he would later run laps for that.
What a stupid, evil fucking thing to do. This was before Micah had learned that one of the main purposes in life is not to do stupid, evil fucking things that you regret later. Such a simple thing so many fail to learn.
How would Micah remember Tammy, if at all?
Simplicity
"You are simple" Tammy said as she fumbled for her keys on her way out the door. "What the hell is that supposed to mean" he thought as she closed the door behind her. They never really fought, just let go snide remarks on occasion. It didn't matter because Tammy had run her course and before long the would not see each other again.
Micah lingered on the thought a while. "Is simple so bad? Beats the hell out of complicated." He had made peace with simple a long time ago and happily accepted the consequences. But a side effect of simple was no commitment to anything. Not commitment to Tammy - commitment to
anything.
"Enough" he thought as he pulled a bucket out of the closet and brought it to the sink. As it filled with water Micah looked under the sink for a rag. A little cleaning will erase the thought.
Commitment
Micah has always been a bit lazy. Maybe that's not the word for it. Cynical perhaps? At one time ideas could fire Micah's imagination and he would act on them with the abandon of someone who knows no better. That was long ago, seemingly another life, or was it just a dream?
"I swear, if I could just....Where did I leave my keys?" Half thoughts wondered into his brain now and disappeared just as quickly. Micah self medicates with mindlessness these days. It was hard to do lately. It must be the weather - the unfinished thoughts keep coming back and upsetting the nothingness of his thoughts.
How does one get back that commitment to something - anything - if only for a week? The only thing that could sustain Micah's attention for very long was a beautiful woman and he would soon tire of that too before looking for another. Is it force of will or inspiration?
Something would need to change this time, if only because Micah would force himself into a corner and the change would be inevitable.
Here Micah finds himself
Six days into spring and Micah's equilibrium is already being affected. The air is warming and the grass is turning green and Micah's already thinking about cleaning his closets and taking five years worth of clothes no longer worn to Goodwill. It's a good thing to clear the junk out of one's closet but that's not the only feelings spring is bringing on.
That restless feeling is returning, the desire to leave, to do something, anything, that will change the rut Micah's mind had comfortably fell in to. Take a trip? No money, at least not for that. Besides it's Micah's thinking that needs to move more than his body. Almost on instinct he thinks of the cheap out to change the scenery. "It would be good to get fucked up right now, maybe some mushrooms or something. But who does that shit anymore?" Micah had left that far behind him but its hard to get it completely out of his system.
Everything else just requires so much
commitment.
